Working from Home Guilt

Uncut photo of me working while sitting on the sofa.

I can’t help but feeling guilty when I have to ignore my baby to try to work at home. It’s a crippling guilt because she looks at me with so much happiness in her eyes and the biggest smile. It’s hard to focus. I love her so much and luckily for me, she plays well by herself most of the time.

Sometimes she tries to come and see what I’m doing. She’ll crawl to me on the sofa and try to look at me from around the back of my laptop; her little fingers trying to touch my screen to see what’s going on.  I just glance up, smile and turn my eyes back to my computer screen. Does she think that I am ignoring her? Does she understand that I am working?

I get jealous when I hear of how others are so much more productive at home. I can’t relate. I try to get up early to get a head start on the day, but I hate having to miss my early morning snuggles. How can I miss someone so much when they’re just in the other room? I can’t focus because I want to play with my daughter, and I can’t enjoy playing with my daughter because I need to be working. Whats up with that?

I’ve slowly learned to prioritize my time. I dedicate a certain number of hours to work, to baby, housework, and to fitness. I miss being at work- in the building, but I don’t miss being at work (haha). Its easier to get things done when I am away, but its also harder to do the things that matter to me the most because I spend so much energy elsewhere.

According to my Fitbit, my resting heart rate has gone down 5 bpm since this quarantine thing started last month. My theory is that it went down so much because I don’t stress about not spending enough time with my family and I’m not constantly thinking of all the things I need to do when I get home. I can pretty much get things done at my own leisure verses trying to do it all during the weekend or during the 4 hours I have after work.

Honestly, being at home is just as hard as being at work. It’s just a different hard. At work I have all the things I need to do around the house on my mind. At home, I have all the work I need to do on my mind. I’m glad that I got to have a taste of both worlds and see that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. Its just the same.

I wonder how other people are handling this work from home situation; especially those with multiple young children. It’s hard out here for a mom!

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*champagne and confetti*

Jalynn

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