To the person trying your hardest…

You aren’t alone.

Here is a list of what I’m trying my best to do, so you can know I kinda understand:

  1. Study for and pass my exam (I failed it the first time)
  2. Be an amazing mom
  3. Be an amazing partner
  4. Be a great employee
  5. Workout when I’m supposed to and be fit
  6. Eat decently
  7. Enjoy each day
  8. Run a business
  9. Be a blogger
  10. Get enough sleep
  11. Keep a non-dirty house
  12. Stay sane
  13. Practice self-care
  14. Be social, make new friends

The things I’m actually doing:

  1. Stressing
  2. Studying
  3. Feeling guilty
  4. Being tired
  5. Being hard on myself

So yeah, that’s what I have going on… I think this is more of a letter to myself than anyone else, but here she is!

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It’s tough because I want more than one thing… if I ONLY wanted to keep a clean house, that would be easy. If I ONLY wanted to be an amazing mom and forgot the other stuff, it would be easy. If I ONLY wanted to be fit, it would be easier…. There are 14 things that I listed off the top of my head that I want to successfully do on a regular basis… that’s a lot. Of course, it’s hard to balance it all!

Is it possible to do it all? I think so! The biggest hurdle for me right now is this exam coming up next month… it’s taking so much time to study and prepare, I feel like I’m failing at the other things… I know it must be done, and exactly one month from now, it’ll be over and I WILL PASS this time. I will be able to spend more time on my other 13 tasks.

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UGH!!

But back to you, the reader lol…

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You may feel alone and way over your head (same). Whether you are trying to be successful at one thing or a million different things,  KEEP ON GOING! Once this task is complete, you’ll be glad you did it…

person running through the mud
Photo by Massimo Sartirana on Unsplash

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Run through the mud and wash off later.

So what if you failed last time… you failed. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE… Failures give up. Victors keep going til they win, until they finish.

Sacrifices have to be made. Be brave.

It hurts to have to block out the outside noise. Especially when that noise comes from those you love. They see you. They don’t understand the weight you carry on your shoulders, your own expectations for yourself. They don’t get it. They don’t understand why.

You hate yourself for procrastinating all this time, for not being as focused in the beginning, but its grind time now. It’s the fourth quarter, the money quarter,  and the winner is determined in the end, not the beginning. So get to it, bitch.

Boss bitches make moves, not excuses.

The first step is believing you can, dear. The hardest step is believing you will be successful. Your thoughts create a ripple affect that will lead you to your success. See yourself at the end. Know that you deserve this! Instead of worrying and thinking of 50 reasons why you can’t or wont, think about 50 reasons why you will and you should.

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***champagne and confetti***

Jalynn

To the soul that has the wildest dreams and aspirations (for a business or for fun)….

GO FOR IT… GO. FOR. IT.

You have these aspirations. Only YOU have these aspirations.  Even if other people are already doing the things you dream of, that’s fine. No one else can do it like YOU CAN.

Wouldn’t it be a shame if the world missed out on an opportunity to see your desires and talents become a reality? Wouldn’t it be a shame to go through your whole life and realize you never did  the one thing you always wanted to do?

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Reasons Not to Follow Your Dreams

Let me tell you, there are many “good” reasons why you shouldn’t follow your dreams. And by “good” reasons, I mean fear based reasons… and honestly,  those reasons should be flipped into good “means”.

  1. It costs money to follow your dreams!
    • Well sometimes that may be the case, but do you have a vice or luxury that you could give up for a while (alcohol, eating out, nail salon, buying shoes every week)? Save that money and invest it in yourself!!
    • Reevaluate your process. Do you really need $1000, or can you do it with $300 and a little bit extra grunt work?
    • Do some research. Some things don’t cost as much as you think it would.
  2. I don’t have time.
    • If you watch tv every  day, you have time. If you go shopping every weekend, you have time. If you scroll on social media every day, you have time. If you can wake up a few hours earlier or stay up a little later, you have time.
    • Most cases, the problem is TIME MANAGEMENT- not “I don’t have time”. Write out a daily schedule. Write down a daily or weekly to-do list (See one of my older posts on How to PROPERLLY complete your TO-DO List. Once you list everything out in front of you, you can prioritize or delegate tasks to get more things done.
  3. I don’t have support.
    • Have you asked for support? Have you shared a little bit of your desires with those around you? Have you asked for help in doing mundane tasks, so you can have time to focus on your goals? Sometimes your loved ones may surprise you and help you out more than you think.
    • Maybe you have people around you telling you not to do it… sometimes people project their own fears and experiences onto other people. Know the difference. If someone tells you not to do what you love, ask them why? Ask them to explain themselves and see where their reasoning comes from. Does it come from knowledge or fear? Also, if this negative person is always quick to be negative about everything, are they even worth listening to?
  4. I don’t know how to start!!
    • Look, the important thing is to just start! Google different methods of completing the goals you have. There are many free How-To resources out there. Use them. Just start somewhere. Take the first step. The rest will come.
    • Write a list of what you want to do. Once that list is done, write a list of how to complete those tasks…  sometimes, getting all of your thoughts down on paper can help you figure out where you need to start.
    • Maybe you know exactly where to start, but you’re afraid… do it anyway!! The first step will be the most challenging.

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There are many other reasons that people think they can’t reach their dreams. These are just the first few I thought of. But if you analyze, or pick apart, those reasons, they may most likely disappear!

Let Your Dreams Set Sail
Photo by Kelli Stirrett on Unsplash

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I love to see other people making their dreams a reality. Many of “The Greats” have done a lot more with a lot less than many of us have. It takes patience and  a lot of grit to accomplish a difficult goal. Its hard out here!!!

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When I Started my PM Reflection

Yall, when I started this blog site, I was terrified. I didn’t think anyone would read it. I thought people would make fun of what I wrote. I thought people would be mean. I thought I wouldn’t have enough decent things to talk about… and maybe all of those negative thoughts are true!

But check this out…

  1. Many people DON’T read my blog. I know most of my friends and family don’t read this thing!!
  2. Many people probably do make fun of what I write behind my back.
  3. Sometimes I don’t know what to write about… Sometimes I end up skipping a week because I forget to post, or my other priorities take over, or I just don’t know what to write about!

But you know what, I AM HERE. I am present. My website exists.

More people outwardly support me than don’t. I only have 20+ followers, but that’s 100% more that I had before I started. I have viewers from across the world (literally) from China, Germany, Australia, in addition to the United States… That’s a big win for me. You don’t always have to look to those closest to you for support. It can sometimes come from across the ocean (literally).

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Starting a Business

I was afraid to start our business. I thought we would waste time and money and no one would hire us… but we can’t let these thoughts cripple us.

We have to make sure to have content and products that people can’t refuse even if they wanted to!!!! We are at the beginning of building our empire. Once we launch (hopefully soon), it will be lit!!!

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Get to It!

I’m here saying these things to you because EYE want you to TAKE THE LEAP, my dear. I’m here with you. I’m here to talk! I mean that! Reply to this post, email me, DM me on Instagram, whatever! You deserve to have your desires fulfilled! Don’t hold yourself back.

I’m no where near a professional, but sometimes it helps to get out of your own head for a second and say things out loud and hear what other people have to say.

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Congratulations on taking a step toward your dreams! Keep me in the loop. I want to celebrate you! I’m serious. Comment, DM, email!!! Talk to me about it.

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***champagne and confetti***

Jalynn

A letter to the girl (or guy) who feels way over his/her head and can’t seem to stay on top of everything…

Don’t let it swallow you whole… You’re doing the best you can. The things that aren’t completed today can be done tomorrow, and that is fine. Don’t forget about those close to you who love you. Don’t push them away while you are trying to reach unrealistic deadlines.

Take time to breathe. When you aren’t doing what you’re “supposed to do” enjoy what you are actually doing… enjoy that tv show. Enjoy your kids. Enjoy that extra 30 minutes in traffic by listening to your favorite playlist or phoning a loved one.

The worst thing you can do is spend all of your time thinking about something else you should do or counting down time. It drains your energy.

Enjoy each moment because once it passes, it’s gone forever… You will never be this young again. Your kids will never be this tiny and needy again. This time with your loved ones may never happen again.

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A few things that are more important than your errands, your money, or your projects:

  1. Your health (mental and physical)
  2. Time with your loved ones
  3. REST
  4. Having a solid plan (not just trying to keep busy)
  5. Just plain FUN

When you feel consumed by it all, take 10 minutes to reflect. Ask yourself:

  1. What is most important to me right now?
  2. What can wait until tomorrow?
  3. What needs to be done right now?
  4. How can I complete these goals effectively?
  5. When is the best time to work on each task without interruption?
  6. What time of day can I get the most done?

To me, the last two questions are the most important. I have to do most of my work without interruption so I can maximize my time and energy. The early mornings are the best time for me. Whatever I can’t fit in the 2-3 hours before everyone wakes up will have to wait until tomorrow (or until nap time lol).

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Stop focusing so much on what you aren’t doing and focus on what you can do and when you can do it. Compartmentalize and properly time out everything. Love each minute. Love what you’re doing. Its your life to live.  You are doing the work… don’t let it work you. Remember the reasons why you started. The reasons you started are sometimes the same things that get in your way, but that makes it so much more special.

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***champagne and confetti***

Jalynn

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PS: check out my older post about How to Properly Complete Your TO-DO List (its not just for moms)!!

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Featured Photo by Ian on Unsplash

To the person who always puts others’ needs and feelings first…

You can’t keep pouring from an empty cup. Take time for yourself…

Not everyone has the ability to give like you do- and its not necessarily their fault. We always seem like we have it all together… They may not realize that you need time, that you need love, that you need effort too.

People like us have to create our own safe space. We have to be our own comfort. We have to plan our own good time. If we can plan for others and make their day great, why not plan a great day for ourselves??

Self-care man, do it.

What is self care??

Screenshot of Dictionary.com definition of self-care.

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Now, self care looks different for different people.

I know its hard take time away from our responsibilities to do this. Mom guilt is real. How dare I go to work all day, come home work out, and then take even more extra time away from my family!!!???

But honestly, your family won’t remember those few extra minutes you are away… You know what they will remember? Your bad attitude, your aggression, your tiredness all the time. A happy mommy, or whatever your role is, is 10000x better than an exhausted and stressed mommy.

Think of self care as giving yourself the ability to put your best foot forward… So give it a try! In the words of Tia Mowry, “Self care isn’t selfish.”

When I take time for myself, even if its just a few hours, I feel refreshed and ready to take on anything!

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Oh, and after you practice this self care, start putting your own needs and feelings first for a change. You may seem like the bad guy for a bit, but be the hero for your own story and not everyone else‘s.

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***champagne and confetti***
Jalynn

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Featured Image: Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

20+ Followers Yawl

Yawl!! I have over 20 followers on my blog!!!!

I know that more people read it, but aren’t subscribed and that’s okay. But TWENTY FOLLOWERS!!!! This is honestly a big deal for me.

For a while I didn’t think anyone would read, let alone subscribe! I didn’t even expect to have 5 followers but look at me go!!

Why did I start this blog if I didn’t think I’d be successful?

Well I started this blog to have a creative outlet for myself. I hoped to get a big enough following so I could eventually make money off of it… (eventually). But now, 4 months into this blog life, I don’t care about the money.

Of course of someone were to offer it, I’d take it lol. But this blog has been real therapy for me. I have created a virtual space for myself. My hard thoughts could live outside of my head. I don’t need to have find anyone on hand to talk to, I talk to you! I have you!!!! My readers are the friends I may not know about. (that sounds weird lol but I hope you know what I mean)

Could I have just used Facebook and Instagram? Yes. But, I feel that this website is a safer space than social media. I can type it out without having to  worry about a post being too long. There are no rules or judgment here.

Typing or writing does wonders for my mind. I leave it all on the table sometimes.

There are several posts that I have written up that I will probably never post. This gives me reason to sit down and have time to myself and evaluate where my head is. It helps me to reflect and assess my feelings and get them out.

I think everyone should have some sort of creative outlet. Music, blog, songwriting, exercising, screaming alone in your car… no one should have to just live in their own head. Sometimes its hard to talk to another person and feel comfortable or vulnerable enough to express yourself.

But really… Find your outlet. It does wonders for the brain.

I am a very goal oriented person. I like completing things. The feeling of finishing a task, no matter how small, makes me feel unstoppable. Writing a post each week (or every other week) gives me something productive to check off my list.

Was I afraid of posting my thoughts on the internet? Was I afraid to start a business? Was I afreaid of half of the things I’ve done? Yes.

But I’m glad I put myself out there because I know so many people who keep themselves inside of a box because they’re afraid or they seek approval from those who will never be happy with anything or anyone!

LIVE FOR YOURSELF. MAKE YOURSELF BETTER. DO IT FOR YOU AND THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE.

I’m yelling at you, LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE. At the end of it all, you have to be happy with yourself and decide if you lived up to your potential.

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I’m going to make some changes to my website layout and style within the next few months. Stay tuned!!

But for real, I love this blog. I love you for reading. Thank you.

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***champagne and confetti***

Jalynn

She Does

Moms are the ones that make things happen.

Moms make sure everyone is taken care of.

Moms make sure the dishes and clothes are washed.

Moms make sure the house is clean, and everything is in its place.

Moms make remind others what to do and show them the way.

Who shows moms the way?

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Moms try their hardest.

They give everything they’ve got.

When they have nothing left, they give.

They pour from an empty cup because they have to.

No one else is capable – so it seems.

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But really.

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Who checks on her? Who genuinely wants to help?

Who makes sure she goes to bed on time?

Who makes sure she has her dinner?

Who makes sure she is healthy and strong?

Who congratulates her? Who tells her good job, thank you, I appreciate you?

Who wishes her well?

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She does it for herself. She has to.

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by Jalynn Moll (pmreflection.com)

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Thanks for reading.

Photo by Matthew Smith on Unsplash

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***champagne and confetti***

Jalynn

Be Kind, Even Behind the Screen.

When you are around a large group of associates, people you’ve never met, and people you haven’t seen or talked to in years, how often do you immediately say exactly what is on your mind?

How often do you say exactly what’s on your mind with these people, no matter how rude?

Also, how many times do you call them horrible names?

More than likely, you would never do this. I know I don’t.

If I do say what’s on my mind, I try to say it in a nice way. If its too mean or if I don’t think its worth the comment, I won’t say anything.

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I have a hard time figuring out why we act this way on social media???

I see so many people yelling at people, calling others names, cursing them out… people they don’t even know!!! No matter if there is difference of opinions, since when is this the right way to say what you are thinking???

People call others fat or say that they’ve gained weight, as if the post or status was about that in the first place!

People are bluntly racist and rude, as if the internet isn’t available to everyone in the world.

People call celebrities out for not “making a statement” about the death of another celebrity as if they owe us a statement, or anything at all!

People want to “hold others accountable for their actions” and judge if someone is “genuine” in their apology or not… dude. Who are you to say what is genuine or not? No one owes you anything! Everyone is human. Everyone makes mistakes.

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My point is, if you wouldn’t have the guts to act this way in person, don’t do it behind the screen of your computer or phone. If you do act this way face to face, go ahead with your bad self! Lol you aren’t in this category of people I’m speaking about.

I’ve comprised a list of reasons to delete a comment before submitting. I hope someone finds this helpful. Please let me know if you think of something I missed!

1. If you are trying to prove a point, and you result to name calling (including calling someone sweetheart, dear, and other otherwise typical words of endearment) – you are trying to act superior. Delete the comment.

2. If you are trying to get others to be on your side and you quote the bible. Delete the comment. Don’t use God’s words and pick them apart to push your own controversial agenda.

3. If you are using multiple curse words. Delete the comment. Or at least delete the curse words if the message isn’t bad.

4. If you are saying something that isn’t helpful to the situation. Delete!

5. If you give “constructive criticism” without it coming from a place of love… You know the drill.

6. If you feel the need to negatively comment on someone’s body image. DON’T.

7. If you would get upset if someone said the same thing to you. Just log off.

8. If you are triggered by something you read and want the world to know. Hold the keys!! Don’t type anything!!! LOG OFF.

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Be kind. Even behind the screen.

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***champagne and confetti***
Jalynn

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Featured image: Photo by dole777 on Unsplash

Fitness Goals, Powerlifting, and The Bar.

#CURRENTLY     

Finally! After giving birth over 1 year ago, I’m starting to feel like I’m in my old lifting shape again. I haven’t weighed this little since I was a 3rd or 4th year in college; and it’s so crazy to me because I wasn’t trying to get this small. I think when I start my next training cycle, these pounds will increase.

If you follow my Instagram, you’d know I’m doing the Stronglifts 5×5. I’ve been doing it for the past 2 months and the weight is moving and increasing nicely.

I’ve been working out in our new home garage gym!! This home gym thing is cool… I can work out whenever I want, wear whatever I want, and I don’t have to wait to use the squat rack because someone is doing rows or overhead press in it! I just miss seeing everyone at the gym and having the cold air conditioning!!

What are my fitness goals?

My current lifting goal (and it has been for the last 3 years) is to squat 300LB raw (using knee sleeves and a belt). The last meet I competed in was in 2018, after I came out of “retirement” from heavy lifting and before I got pregnant. I squatted a strong 275LB for my second attempt and failed my third attempt.

Next year, in 2021, I’m hoping I’ll be able to put that goal to rest and move on to other fitness goals. Maybe move on to lift equipped for a meet of two? Maybe increase my non-existent jumping or running skills?

My other current lifting goal is to deadlift 405LB raw. The most I’ve ever deadlifted was 355LB raw… will I ever get to 405? Maybe, maybe not lol. Only time will tell because adding 50LB to a lift is a lot. Hopefully I can do these before I decide to “retire” from competing again. If I don’t get it, I know I’ll definitely have a max higher than 355 and I’ll give 405 a run for the money!!!

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Yesterday, one of my Facebook friends posted that he finally reached his lifetime deadlift goal at the age of 40!!! It’s really fascinating the amount of dedication and determination he had to keep working toward it after all those years… but I’ll probably be the same way lol.

Do I plan to keep powerlifting until I’m 40? I don’t know. I wouldn’t be surprised if do. But again, only time will tell. That is literally 15 years from now. I’m just trying to reach my goals for next year, at this point!

Jalynn, why do you powerlift???

A lot of people have asked me in the past (in high school and college), why did I decide to powerlift? “Of all things, why do you like lifting weights?”

Lifting makes me feel good. Lifting heavy makes me feel powerful. Lifting equipped makes me feel unstoppable.

When I started lifting in 10th grade, my only goal was to squat 115LB raw. I did it. The next year, my goal was to squat 135LB raw. I did it. The next year, my next goal was to squat 225lb in equipment. I did it. My next goal was to squat 225LB raw. In college, I did it. My next goal was to bench 135LB raw. When I came out of retirement in 2018, I did it.

Every goal that I set for myself within this sport, I reached. I reached these goals because I worked towards them. I would get hurt, take a break, and keep working. I would lose focus, remember why I started, and keep working!  No one else got me to reach these goals. I fought for them and I reached them myself. Lifting taught me that no goal is unreachable. Never in my wildest dreams I could have imagined that I would squat 225 when I first started lifting. The funniest thing for me is peoples’ reaction when they find out that I lift weights – as if a “pretty” girl can’t be strong too!

When people tell me I can’t, I show them I can. When I fail at an attempt, I get it the next time. No matter how many times I fail at an attempt, there is always another attempt. There is always another meet. There is always another season.

That’s what I tell myself for each challenge in life (at least try to). If I reach a goal “late” it will make me appreciate it even more. Life is full of chances and attempts. I just have to keep going, and working, and setting goals.

Never quit. It is the easiest cop-out in the world. Set a goal and don’t quit until you attain it. When you do attain it, set another goal, and don’t quit until you reach it. Never quit.

Bear Bryant

Powerlifting gives me something to look forward to. It helps me to set tangible goals. It keeps me in shape, it keeps me sane, it keeps me connected to a community of amazing people who love the sport as much as I do, and more.

The Bar = My Good Old Friend

Sometimes, I feel like my workouts are the only thing that give me positive results. Weights are my stress reliever and my constant throughout these past 10 years. The barbell has never changed or taken me for granted. I, however, always take it for granted lol. But every time I go to it, it tells me where I am. I could go months without lifting, but when I go back to the bar, I feel like I’m home. Of course, it asks me where I’ve been and gives me a hard time for a few days lol. But I love it and it loves me!

Yes, I am personifying weights. But it is really how I feel. When I lift certain weights, it takes me back to the last time I lifted them. When I lift light weights, it takes me back to when I first started lifting in high school. When I lift heavy, it takes me back to when I lifted in college and competed in meets. So many positive memories – I can’t believe I’ve tried to turn away from weightlifting so many times. But nothing does it to me like the iron!!

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What is your experience with weightlifting/powerlifting? I’d love to hear about it!

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***champagne and confetti***

Jalynn

One Year, One BIG Lesson

My daughter turns 1 this week and I can’t believe it. I look back at her pictures from when she was first born and throughout the months and I can’t help but think, “WOW, where did my little baby go?”

I’ve been thinking of how I felt this time last year. I was completely impatient and waiting for this girl to be here!! She was kicking up a storm and I was looking up all kinds of old wives tales about how to induce labor (none of them worked by the way… she still came 5 days after her due date). But once she was here, it didn’t matter. I was glad that it was over, but I was more glad that my birth plan was a success and that she was healthy and in my arms!

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Even at almost 1 year old, she still has many of her little quirks that she had since birth. Her “milk drunk” look, her little crooked smile, the light in her eyes, the peaceful face when she sleeps, the way she stretches when she’s waking up, her curious nature….

They tell you how rewarding it is to raise a little one, but the only way to really understand it is to experience it yourself.

****please try not to experience it til you are ready***

When I think about what I could be doing if I didn’t have her, nothing comes to mind. I’m so grateful that she came into our lives. There have been many, many hard times that I’m glad are over. But looking back, that doesn’t matter. The good really does outweigh the bad. We are all healthy. We are all together. We are blessed. We are cared for and looked after. We are grateful!

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I joke that a baby’s birthday should be to celebrate the mother. WHERES MY GIFT!!! – but I know that’s what Mother’s Day is for lol. I’ve learned so many lessons and I think that is my gift (besides the actual baby). So many hard lessons and I do not wish anything went differently. Well- I wish my Grandaddy was still here in good health. But that’s another story!… I also wish I didn’t have to kinda start from scratch with my fitness goals, but that’s okay. I’m learning to enjoy the process….

Back to the lessons. So many hard lessons.

Here is the main lesson I learned this year:

People project their fears, insecurities, and failures onto you. I’ve had a natural birth, bought a house, took a major exam for my career, breastfed and plan to continue breastfeeding, make my own baby food, workout hard and eat relatively clean, I’m a working mom with my own hobbies, and upcoming business…. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE THINGS I did WHILE pregnant or WITH an infant. Someone or multiple someones have basically told me that I am crazy for wanting to do any/ all of these things or I wouldn’t be successful at doing it or they couldn’t do it or they listed some reasons why I am crazy for thinking that I can…

I am so glad I have the bit of self-efficacy that I do, because I would be so depressed and stuck if I’d listened to any of the negativity. I work for what I want and I always get it, or get better. That’s a fact.

  1. Yes, I had a natural birth (non-medicated). I mentally and physically prepared for it, I also had a great support person (fiancé), so I was successful. The natural birth was difficult, but I will do it again if I have another child.
  2. Yes, I bought a house. The process was challenging but thanks to my fiancé, my amazing realtor, and my support system, everything went pretty much smoothly.
  3. Yes, I took the PE exam. I failed it. But when I take it again this year, I know my weaknesses and what to expect and work on.
  4. Yes, I am breastfeeding my daughter and I will probably continue for a while. Breastfeeding was challenging at the beginning but it has gotten easier. I am doing what is best for my daughter, despite what society- and even my family- tells me.
  5. Yes, I  make my own baby food. I know they sell it already made, but I’ve enjoyed making her food. She has her whole life to eat processed food.
  6.  Yes, I work out hard and eat relatively clean. It is hard to work out after working  and mom-ing all day, but I know it’s worth it and I enjoy it. Working out keeps me from getting crazy.
  7. Yes, I’m a working mom with my own hobbies and goals. It does take time away from my family, but a happy mommy = a happy family. I want my daughter to see what I am capable of so she can know that she is capable of so much more.

Furthermore, why does it matter to anyone what I am doing or how much energy I’ll have to do what I want to do. Just because YOU can’t do it, doesn’t mean that I can’t. What ever happened to encouraging each other? But I digress.

New moms, young women, humans of this earth, whoever is reading this blog: If someone is not supporting you and telling you that you won’t be successful at something, figure out why they are saying these things. Most likely the reason has to do with them and not you. You are capable. You are competent. You are competitive. You are it.

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Happy Birthday week to my Mommy!!!

I love you so much and I’m so grateful I get to call you mine! You motivate me and push me to be my best and you don’t even know it yet. I hope I’m making you proud because I am a reflection of you! You deserve the world and don’t you let anyone tell you differently.

Love, Mommy!!

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***champagne and confetti***
Jalynn

Moms Have Separation Anxiety Too

Here is what I wrote while home completely alone for a few hours. No baby, no man, no one but me, and my plants, and God, and the spiders, and my guardian angels lol:

My fiancé was going to visit his mom’s house. I told him to take our daughter with him so that I could get some studying done and have a little break. As we were getting her ready to leave, I kept saying that I will miss her while she’s gone. He kept saying, “I can leave her here, I don’t have to take her”. But I was like no, take her, this will be good for me. I need to practice being home without her.

This is the second or third time in her whole life I have been home without my daughter here and I feel the void in my heart. Like in the pit of my chest. I know she’s only going to be gone for an hour or two, but it is agonizing. I keep listening for her voice and movements out of habit! The silence in my house is  deafening without her here. I miss her. It has only been 10 minutes, but I miss her.

Am I experiencing separation anxiety??? I have no problem leaving her at home for an hour or two. But when she leaves without me, I’m a wreck!

Why do I desperately want quiet and want a break, but when I finally get it, I don’t know what to do with myself. Yes, tears are falling from my eyes as I type this because, although I’m happy to have some time to myself, I weirdly don’t want it. Even when I go out to the gym or the store or with friends, I still subconsciously rush back to her. What’s up with that?

That beautiful little fireball is my everything. When it’s time me to go back to work in the office full time, it will be a big adjustment for me again. It will be like coming back from maternity leave all over again – minus the initial nervousness about pumping at work and feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I will just miss my little girl.

Let me go and do some work with the quiet time I’ve been wanting to have for months. Hopefully I can concentrate and make this time worth it.

I typed this while I was in a very vulnerable state because I was texting my friend about it. Then she fell asleep on me so I was really alone. So, then I thought: ooh this would be great blog material on one of the trials of motherhood.

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I’ve never really heard of a mother having separation anxiety. I know children have it, but you never hear about the mother experiencing it. I even looked up the definition… separation anxiety is described as, “anxiety provoked in a young child by separation or the threat of separation from their mother or caregiver”.

Why isn’t there a definition for the mother or caregiver experiencing the anxiety? When I talk about feeling this way with certain people, they say, “oh you should be glad to get a break, stop holding that baby hostage”… but its not always that simple. I DO WANT A BREAK. But I do miss my child and feel weird and have anxiety when she is not around. Why would I send my daughter away for no reason? Just so I can sit at home being miserable?

Think about it, the baby is a part of your body for months, then the baby is pretty much always next to your body for months, then the baby is away from you. It seems like a flawless progression, but it’s still hard!

When I hear about how moms let their babies go away for the weekend or take weekend trips and other things, I am happy for them, but I just get stressed out because I don’t want that long of a break. At least not yet! I’m tired of being guilted when I don’t want to leave my child! Especially at this young age. I know I can’t be the only one who has these feelings!

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If you are experiencing separation anxiety, let me know, man! Tell me I’m not alone! I feel like it is normal or should be more normalized. Don’t let people shame you for not wanting to be away from your kids. There is a healthy limit, though, like when you have to prepare them to go to school (unless you homeschool).

But this mom stuff is hard. Especially when you finally get the break you’ve been wanting and you are a wreck because you have it. Maybe one day I’ll be glad for an afternoon break from my child…

Until then…

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***champagne and confetti***

Jalynn