20+ Followers Yawl

Yawl!! I have over 20 followers on my blog!!!!

I know that more people read it, but aren’t subscribed and that’s okay. But TWENTY FOLLOWERS!!!! This is honestly a big deal for me.

For a while I didn’t think anyone would read, let alone subscribe! I didn’t even expect to have 5 followers but look at me go!!

Why did I start this blog if I didn’t think I’d be successful?

Well I started this blog to have a creative outlet for myself. I hoped to get a big enough following so I could eventually make money off of it… (eventually). But now, 4 months into this blog life, I don’t care about the money.

Of course of someone were to offer it, I’d take it lol. But this blog has been real therapy for me. I have created a virtual space for myself. My hard thoughts could live outside of my head. I don’t need to have find anyone on hand to talk to, I talk to you! I have you!!!! My readers are the friends I may not know about. (that sounds weird lol but I hope you know what I mean)

Could I have just used Facebook and Instagram? Yes. But, I feel that this website is a safer space than social media. I can type it out without having to  worry about a post being too long. There are no rules or judgment here.

Typing or writing does wonders for my mind. I leave it all on the table sometimes.

There are several posts that I have written up that I will probably never post. This gives me reason to sit down and have time to myself and evaluate where my head is. It helps me to reflect and assess my feelings and get them out.

I think everyone should have some sort of creative outlet. Music, blog, songwriting, exercising, screaming alone in your car… no one should have to just live in their own head. Sometimes its hard to talk to another person and feel comfortable or vulnerable enough to express yourself.

But really… Find your outlet. It does wonders for the brain.

I am a very goal oriented person. I like completing things. The feeling of finishing a task, no matter how small, makes me feel unstoppable. Writing a post each week (or every other week) gives me something productive to check off my list.

Was I afraid of posting my thoughts on the internet? Was I afraid to start a business? Was I afreaid of half of the things I’ve done? Yes.

But I’m glad I put myself out there because I know so many people who keep themselves inside of a box because they’re afraid or they seek approval from those who will never be happy with anything or anyone!

LIVE FOR YOURSELF. MAKE YOURSELF BETTER. DO IT FOR YOU AND THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE.

I’m yelling at you, LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE. At the end of it all, you have to be happy with yourself and decide if you lived up to your potential.

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I’m going to make some changes to my website layout and style within the next few months. Stay tuned!!

But for real, I love this blog. I love you for reading. Thank you.

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***champagne and confetti***

Jalynn

She Does

Moms are the ones that make things happen.

Moms make sure everyone is taken care of.

Moms make sure the dishes and clothes are washed.

Moms make sure the house is clean, and everything is in its place.

Moms make remind others what to do and show them the way.

Who shows moms the way?

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Moms try their hardest.

They give everything they’ve got.

When they have nothing left, they give.

They pour from an empty cup because they have to.

No one else is capable – so it seems.

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But really.

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Who checks on her? Who genuinely wants to help?

Who makes sure she goes to bed on time?

Who makes sure she has her dinner?

Who makes sure she is healthy and strong?

Who congratulates her? Who tells her good job, thank you, I appreciate you?

Who wishes her well?

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She does it for herself. She has to.

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by Jalynn Moll (pmreflection.com)

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Thanks for reading.

Photo by Matthew Smith on Unsplash

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***champagne and confetti***

Jalynn

Be Kind, Even Behind the Screen.

When you are around a large group of associates, people you’ve never met, and people you haven’t seen or talked to in years, how often do you immediately say exactly what is on your mind?

How often do you say exactly what’s on your mind with these people, no matter how rude?

Also, how many times do you call them horrible names?

More than likely, you would never do this. I know I don’t.

If I do say what’s on my mind, I try to say it in a nice way. If its too mean or if I don’t think its worth the comment, I won’t say anything.

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I have a hard time figuring out why we act this way on social media???

I see so many people yelling at people, calling others names, cursing them out… people they don’t even know!!! No matter if there is difference of opinions, since when is this the right way to say what you are thinking???

People call others fat or say that they’ve gained weight, as if the post or status was about that in the first place!

People are bluntly racist and rude, as if the internet isn’t available to everyone in the world.

People call celebrities out for not “making a statement” about the death of another celebrity as if they owe us a statement, or anything at all!

People want to “hold others accountable for their actions” and judge if someone is “genuine” in their apology or not… dude. Who are you to say what is genuine or not? No one owes you anything! Everyone is human. Everyone makes mistakes.

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My point is, if you wouldn’t have the guts to act this way in person, don’t do it behind the screen of your computer or phone. If you do act this way face to face, go ahead with your bad self! Lol you aren’t in this category of people I’m speaking about.

I’ve comprised a list of reasons to delete a comment before submitting. I hope someone finds this helpful. Please let me know if you think of something I missed!

1. If you are trying to prove a point, and you result to name calling (including calling someone sweetheart, dear, and other otherwise typical words of endearment) – you are trying to act superior. Delete the comment.

2. If you are trying to get others to be on your side and you quote the bible. Delete the comment. Don’t use God’s words and pick them apart to push your own controversial agenda.

3. If you are using multiple curse words. Delete the comment. Or at least delete the curse words if the message isn’t bad.

4. If you are saying something that isn’t helpful to the situation. Delete!

5. If you give “constructive criticism” without it coming from a place of love… You know the drill.

6. If you feel the need to negatively comment on someone’s body image. DON’T.

7. If you would get upset if someone said the same thing to you. Just log off.

8. If you are triggered by something you read and want the world to know. Hold the keys!! Don’t type anything!!! LOG OFF.

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Be kind. Even behind the screen.

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***champagne and confetti***
Jalynn

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Featured image: Photo by dole777 on Unsplash

Fitness Goals, Powerlifting, and The Bar.

#CURRENTLY     

Finally! After giving birth over 1 year ago, I’m starting to feel like I’m in my old lifting shape again. I haven’t weighed this little since I was a 3rd or 4th year in college; and it’s so crazy to me because I wasn’t trying to get this small. I think when I start my next training cycle, these pounds will increase.

If you follow my Instagram, you’d know I’m doing the Stronglifts 5×5. I’ve been doing it for the past 2 months and the weight is moving and increasing nicely.

I’ve been working out in our new home garage gym!! This home gym thing is cool… I can work out whenever I want, wear whatever I want, and I don’t have to wait to use the squat rack because someone is doing rows or overhead press in it! I just miss seeing everyone at the gym and having the cold air conditioning!!

What are my fitness goals?

My current lifting goal (and it has been for the last 3 years) is to squat 300LB raw (using knee sleeves and a belt). The last meet I competed in was in 2018, after I came out of “retirement” from heavy lifting and before I got pregnant. I squatted a strong 275LB for my second attempt and failed my third attempt.

Next year, in 2021, I’m hoping I’ll be able to put that goal to rest and move on to other fitness goals. Maybe move on to lift equipped for a meet of two? Maybe increase my non-existent jumping or running skills?

My other current lifting goal is to deadlift 405LB raw. The most I’ve ever deadlifted was 355LB raw… will I ever get to 405? Maybe, maybe not lol. Only time will tell because adding 50LB to a lift is a lot. Hopefully I can do these before I decide to “retire” from competing again. If I don’t get it, I know I’ll definitely have a max higher than 355 and I’ll give 405 a run for the money!!!

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Yesterday, one of my Facebook friends posted that he finally reached his lifetime deadlift goal at the age of 40!!! It’s really fascinating the amount of dedication and determination he had to keep working toward it after all those years… but I’ll probably be the same way lol.

Do I plan to keep powerlifting until I’m 40? I don’t know. I wouldn’t be surprised if do. But again, only time will tell. That is literally 15 years from now. I’m just trying to reach my goals for next year, at this point!

Jalynn, why do you powerlift???

A lot of people have asked me in the past (in high school and college), why did I decide to powerlift? “Of all things, why do you like lifting weights?”

Lifting makes me feel good. Lifting heavy makes me feel powerful. Lifting equipped makes me feel unstoppable.

When I started lifting in 10th grade, my only goal was to squat 115LB raw. I did it. The next year, my goal was to squat 135LB raw. I did it. The next year, my next goal was to squat 225lb in equipment. I did it. My next goal was to squat 225LB raw. In college, I did it. My next goal was to bench 135LB raw. When I came out of retirement in 2018, I did it.

Every goal that I set for myself within this sport, I reached. I reached these goals because I worked towards them. I would get hurt, take a break, and keep working. I would lose focus, remember why I started, and keep working!  No one else got me to reach these goals. I fought for them and I reached them myself. Lifting taught me that no goal is unreachable. Never in my wildest dreams I could have imagined that I would squat 225 when I first started lifting. The funniest thing for me is peoples’ reaction when they find out that I lift weights – as if a “pretty” girl can’t be strong too!

When people tell me I can’t, I show them I can. When I fail at an attempt, I get it the next time. No matter how many times I fail at an attempt, there is always another attempt. There is always another meet. There is always another season.

That’s what I tell myself for each challenge in life (at least try to). If I reach a goal “late” it will make me appreciate it even more. Life is full of chances and attempts. I just have to keep going, and working, and setting goals.

Never quit. It is the easiest cop-out in the world. Set a goal and don’t quit until you attain it. When you do attain it, set another goal, and don’t quit until you reach it. Never quit.

Bear Bryant

Powerlifting gives me something to look forward to. It helps me to set tangible goals. It keeps me in shape, it keeps me sane, it keeps me connected to a community of amazing people who love the sport as much as I do, and more.

The Bar = My Good Old Friend

Sometimes, I feel like my workouts are the only thing that give me positive results. Weights are my stress reliever and my constant throughout these past 10 years. The barbell has never changed or taken me for granted. I, however, always take it for granted lol. But every time I go to it, it tells me where I am. I could go months without lifting, but when I go back to the bar, I feel like I’m home. Of course, it asks me where I’ve been and gives me a hard time for a few days lol. But I love it and it loves me!

Yes, I am personifying weights. But it is really how I feel. When I lift certain weights, it takes me back to the last time I lifted them. When I lift light weights, it takes me back to when I first started lifting in high school. When I lift heavy, it takes me back to when I lifted in college and competed in meets. So many positive memories – I can’t believe I’ve tried to turn away from weightlifting so many times. But nothing does it to me like the iron!!

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What is your experience with weightlifting/powerlifting? I’d love to hear about it!

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***champagne and confetti***

Jalynn

One Year, One BIG Lesson

My daughter turns 1 this week and I can’t believe it. I look back at her pictures from when she was first born and throughout the months and I can’t help but think, “WOW, where did my little baby go?”

I’ve been thinking of how I felt this time last year. I was completely impatient and waiting for this girl to be here!! She was kicking up a storm and I was looking up all kinds of old wives tales about how to induce labor (none of them worked by the way… she still came 5 days after her due date). But once she was here, it didn’t matter. I was glad that it was over, but I was more glad that my birth plan was a success and that she was healthy and in my arms!

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Even at almost 1 year old, she still has many of her little quirks that she had since birth. Her “milk drunk” look, her little crooked smile, the light in her eyes, the peaceful face when she sleeps, the way she stretches when she’s waking up, her curious nature….

They tell you how rewarding it is to raise a little one, but the only way to really understand it is to experience it yourself.

****please try not to experience it til you are ready***

When I think about what I could be doing if I didn’t have her, nothing comes to mind. I’m so grateful that she came into our lives. There have been many, many hard times that I’m glad are over. But looking back, that doesn’t matter. The good really does outweigh the bad. We are all healthy. We are all together. We are blessed. We are cared for and looked after. We are grateful!

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I joke that a baby’s birthday should be to celebrate the mother. WHERES MY GIFT!!! – but I know that’s what Mother’s Day is for lol. I’ve learned so many lessons and I think that is my gift (besides the actual baby). So many hard lessons and I do not wish anything went differently. Well- I wish my Grandaddy was still here in good health. But that’s another story!… I also wish I didn’t have to kinda start from scratch with my fitness goals, but that’s okay. I’m learning to enjoy the process….

Back to the lessons. So many hard lessons.

Here is the main lesson I learned this year:

People project their fears, insecurities, and failures onto you. I’ve had a natural birth, bought a house, took a major exam for my career, breastfed and plan to continue breastfeeding, make my own baby food, workout hard and eat relatively clean, I’m a working mom with my own hobbies, and upcoming business…. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE THINGS I did WHILE pregnant or WITH an infant. Someone or multiple someones have basically told me that I am crazy for wanting to do any/ all of these things or I wouldn’t be successful at doing it or they couldn’t do it or they listed some reasons why I am crazy for thinking that I can…

I am so glad I have the bit of self-efficacy that I do, because I would be so depressed and stuck if I’d listened to any of the negativity. I work for what I want and I always get it, or get better. That’s a fact.

  1. Yes, I had a natural birth (non-medicated). I mentally and physically prepared for it, I also had a great support person (fiancé), so I was successful. The natural birth was difficult, but I will do it again if I have another child.
  2. Yes, I bought a house. The process was challenging but thanks to my fiancé, my amazing realtor, and my support system, everything went pretty much smoothly.
  3. Yes, I took the PE exam. I failed it. But when I take it again this year, I know my weaknesses and what to expect and work on.
  4. Yes, I am breastfeeding my daughter and I will probably continue for a while. Breastfeeding was challenging at the beginning but it has gotten easier. I am doing what is best for my daughter, despite what society- and even my family- tells me.
  5. Yes, I  make my own baby food. I know they sell it already made, but I’ve enjoyed making her food. She has her whole life to eat processed food.
  6.  Yes, I work out hard and eat relatively clean. It is hard to work out after working  and mom-ing all day, but I know it’s worth it and I enjoy it. Working out keeps me from getting crazy.
  7. Yes, I’m a working mom with my own hobbies and goals. It does take time away from my family, but a happy mommy = a happy family. I want my daughter to see what I am capable of so she can know that she is capable of so much more.

Furthermore, why does it matter to anyone what I am doing or how much energy I’ll have to do what I want to do. Just because YOU can’t do it, doesn’t mean that I can’t. What ever happened to encouraging each other? But I digress.

New moms, young women, humans of this earth, whoever is reading this blog: If someone is not supporting you and telling you that you won’t be successful at something, figure out why they are saying these things. Most likely the reason has to do with them and not you. You are capable. You are competent. You are competitive. You are it.

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Happy Birthday week to my Mommy!!!

I love you so much and I’m so grateful I get to call you mine! You motivate me and push me to be my best and you don’t even know it yet. I hope I’m making you proud because I am a reflection of you! You deserve the world and don’t you let anyone tell you differently.

Love, Mommy!!

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***champagne and confetti***
Jalynn

Moms Have Separation Anxiety Too

Here is what I wrote while home completely alone for a few hours. No baby, no man, no one but me, and my plants, and God, and the spiders, and my guardian angels lol:

My fiancé was going to visit his mom’s house. I told him to take our daughter with him so that I could get some studying done and have a little break. As we were getting her ready to leave, I kept saying that I will miss her while she’s gone. He kept saying, “I can leave her here, I don’t have to take her”. But I was like no, take her, this will be good for me. I need to practice being home without her.

This is the second or third time in her whole life I have been home without my daughter here and I feel the void in my heart. Like in the pit of my chest. I know she’s only going to be gone for an hour or two, but it is agonizing. I keep listening for her voice and movements out of habit! The silence in my house is  deafening without her here. I miss her. It has only been 10 minutes, but I miss her.

Am I experiencing separation anxiety??? I have no problem leaving her at home for an hour or two. But when she leaves without me, I’m a wreck!

Why do I desperately want quiet and want a break, but when I finally get it, I don’t know what to do with myself. Yes, tears are falling from my eyes as I type this because, although I’m happy to have some time to myself, I weirdly don’t want it. Even when I go out to the gym or the store or with friends, I still subconsciously rush back to her. What’s up with that?

That beautiful little fireball is my everything. When it’s time me to go back to work in the office full time, it will be a big adjustment for me again. It will be like coming back from maternity leave all over again – minus the initial nervousness about pumping at work and feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I will just miss my little girl.

Let me go and do some work with the quiet time I’ve been wanting to have for months. Hopefully I can concentrate and make this time worth it.

I typed this while I was in a very vulnerable state because I was texting my friend about it. Then she fell asleep on me so I was really alone. So, then I thought: ooh this would be great blog material on one of the trials of motherhood.

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I’ve never really heard of a mother having separation anxiety. I know children have it, but you never hear about the mother experiencing it. I even looked up the definition… separation anxiety is described as, “anxiety provoked in a young child by separation or the threat of separation from their mother or caregiver”.

Why isn’t there a definition for the mother or caregiver experiencing the anxiety? When I talk about feeling this way with certain people, they say, “oh you should be glad to get a break, stop holding that baby hostage”… but its not always that simple. I DO WANT A BREAK. But I do miss my child and feel weird and have anxiety when she is not around. Why would I send my daughter away for no reason? Just so I can sit at home being miserable?

Think about it, the baby is a part of your body for months, then the baby is pretty much always next to your body for months, then the baby is away from you. It seems like a flawless progression, but it’s still hard!

When I hear about how moms let their babies go away for the weekend or take weekend trips and other things, I am happy for them, but I just get stressed out because I don’t want that long of a break. At least not yet! I’m tired of being guilted when I don’t want to leave my child! Especially at this young age. I know I can’t be the only one who has these feelings!

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If you are experiencing separation anxiety, let me know, man! Tell me I’m not alone! I feel like it is normal or should be more normalized. Don’t let people shame you for not wanting to be away from your kids. There is a healthy limit, though, like when you have to prepare them to go to school (unless you homeschool).

But this mom stuff is hard. Especially when you finally get the break you’ve been wanting and you are a wreck because you have it. Maybe one day I’ll be glad for an afternoon break from my child…

Until then…

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***champagne and confetti***

Jalynn

How to Become SUPERBETTER

I’m reading this book called SuperBetter: A Revolutionary Approach to Getting Stronger, Happier, Braver and More Resilient – Powered by the Science of Games- by Jane McGonigal. It’s about how to become the best version of yourself through living life with a gameful mindset.

Think about it: when we play games, we actively seek out challenges. If we fail those challenges, we try again, and keep trying because that’s the point of the game! Why can’t we go through life that way?

Starting on Sunday, I decided to take the lessons I am learning in this book to heart. If I want to feel great, be fit, and be surrounded by great people; I have to put myself into that position and start that challenge. I started a plant based diet where I eat little to no animal products to keep me from feeling so sluggish all the time. I’ve started studying for my license again. Almost half of the people who take it for the first time fail, including myself. I failed when I took it last year. Now I am preparing to take it again. This time I have a better mindset about it. This time I am trying to take a gameful approach to it. Treating each study session like a challenge to unlock a new level of knowledge.

What about relationships? Why should I spend so much time in relationships with family or friends or social media comments that don’t make me happy? Why am I wasting time on these games that do not give me joy or fulfillment? Why should I give energy where it doesn’t reciprocate? I don’t owe anyone anything. I owe myself to live to my full potential and that’s what I intend to do. Starting this week, I am choosing me. I am doing small challenges each day that will add up to help me reach my goal.

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One of the quests in the Superbetter book was to discover what/who my “bad guys are”. Bad Guys are my “inner demons”, the things that keep me from reaching my goals by consuming my mind and distracting me from why I’m really here.  My top Super Bad Guys are:

  1. LAZY SCRUB BUM (characteristics: sloth, laziness, procrastination)
  2. PURPOSELESS CONSUMER (characteristics: eating just because food is there, senselessly scrolling through social media, engaging in conversations that aren’t beneficial, watching TV all day)
  3. SAD REIGNA ((named after Blood Reigna from The 100)(characteristics: mom guilt, feeling like a bad partner, feelings of not being good enough, feeling like a failure, feeling like I’m wasting time when I do things I enjoy, feeling like others are against me, feeling guilty when one of the other bad guys wins a round))

~ We had to come up with silly names for them because that’s what would make it more gameful. In order to beat them, I have to avoid them, resist them, adapt to them, challenge them, convert them, or some combination.

Another quest was to fill in the blank, “I want to be someone who spends time and energy each day on…”. 

The quest asked, if I had an extra 3 hours in each day, what (from a long list of items) would I spend my extra time on. I picked:

  1. Physical self-care
  2. Education/training/learning
  3. Social life

After reflecting on my top 3, I immediately felt bad. Why didn’t I choose parenting or family or spending more time with my partner? Am I selfish because I want to spend more time on myself? I was down about this for a while. Then I realized that SAD REIGNA was trying to get at me!! How am I being bad mom and partner because I have goals for myself??? How am I a bad mom because I am showing my daughter that she can do everything she puts her mind to?? How am I a bad partner because I want time to myself to reach my goals??? I stopped SAD REIGNA right in her tracks! I give my family plenty of time and the question was if I had 3 EXTRA hours in a day, not to take hours away from my day. So TAKE THAT SAD REIGNA !!

These Bad Guys really could give my values and goals a run for their money. But now that I am fully aware of all this and the things that I want to peruse, I can clearly make at least one or 2 hours a day dedicated to my values and fulfilling those goals.

BTW, if anyone would like to be my ally during my journey of becoming super better, just message me! The more, the merrier!

I hope you check out this book. No, I am not getting paid to talk about this book. I got it for free from a coworker. Plus, I am not important enough yet to review/advertise things for my own personal gain. I just want to share this book because I want it to make a difference to someone like it is making a difference to me. I’m not even finished with the book and I am already becoming SUPERBETTER!!

Anyway, they have many quests and challenges to teach you how to deal with stress- like breathing techniques, diverting your attention from what is hurting you (mentally or physically). This book is for people who are cancer patients, people who have traumatic injuries, depression, PTSD, and for other people who just want to be the best version of themselves.

I haven’t been this excited about a novel since I was in middle school and I really think it is making a difference in my attitude about dealing with stress and other things. Let me know if you’ve read this book/if you decide to. I’d love to discuss it with you!

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**champagne and confetti**
Jalynn

Do Not Harm

Who do we call when the very people who have sworn to protect and serve also tend to escalate terror and destruction?

There are more good people than bad. However, if the good people do not stand up against the bad people, there are no good people. If the good people are treated the same way as the bad people, there is no justice. If the people who do bad are not punished, there is no justice. If there is no justice, how can there be peace?

There are more good officers than bad. However, if the good officers do not hold those who do wrong accountable, there are no good officers. If the officers who do bad are not punished, there is no justice. If there is no justice, how can there be peace?

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Those who are sworn in the police force should take some type of test or questionnaire about their stance on things. Are you biased against a certain party? Are you mentally equipped to deal with people different from you and deescalate problems? Can you make the right decisions for the greater good while under pressure? Do you have the intention of protecting ALL CITIZENS in mind?

If those who chose to take an oath to uphold the law do not also abide by the law, how can there be justice?

As I was trying to articulate my thoughts through research – trying to come up with possible ways to help bridge the gap between police and the community; I came across this blog post from the National Police Foundation – Hippocratic Oath for Policing by Sgt. Jeremiah P. Johnson of Darien (CT) Police Department.

This post very beautifully articulated the message I was struggling to convey . Police Officers are NECESSARY. I think the mission of the Police Force should be reiterated and updated on a yearly basis through training and workshops. The Hippocratic Oath for Policing could be a small step in the right direction, in addition to more mental and temperament training.

Like Sgt. Johnson said, the calling to be a police officer is an honorable one… yet officers are still a member of the public and share the same obligation to comply with the laws they are sworn to uphold.

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Thank you to the officers who serve with love in their hearts. Thank you to the officers who have the good of the whole community in mind. Thank you to the officers who treat all people with dignity- especially those with disabilities. Thank you to the officers who have sacrificed their lives. Thank you to the officers who have made this career path into a service mission to better help the community.

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***champagne and confetti***

Jalynn

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Cover Photo by Fred Moon on Unsplash

Sleep When Baby Sleeps

“Sleep when baby sleeps”… Yeah, I’ll sleep when my baby sleeps during our 15 minute car ride to the store; in church; in the waiting room at the doctor’s office; while grocery shopping; during our afternoon walks; and at night.

10 reasons why I rarely sleep when baby sleeps during the day:

  1. I am hungry or I would like to cook a quick meal.
  2. I would like to get ready for the next day.
  3. I haven’t showered yet.
  4. The dishes need to be washed.
  5. I need a few minutes to my self.
  6. I want to get a quick workout in.
  7. I need to do some quick cleaning.
  8. I’m not tired at that exact moment.
  9. I want to spend time with my partner.
  10. I have to go to work.

There are many times that I choose to sleep over doing other things. When I do, it usually comes back to haunt me because then I end up on the negative side of the things I listed above, i.e. scrambling to get everything together in the morning, not having clean dishes or clothes, not having dinner.

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We prioritize self care but its not always so cut and dry. Yes I need sleep, but I also need these other things to be done. There is no happy medium sometimes. We constantly stress over trying to do it all; but that is not possible every day. Sometimes we can check off everything on our list, sometimes we barely make it through the day, sometimes all we do is hold our baby and sleep.

Life is all about having to make choices. Life is a big game of “Would You Rather”. Sometimes we can do it all, sometimes we can only do one thing. I have to constantly remind myself that its okay to not check off anything on my list. Ask for help from loved ones, prioritize your day, accept that you can’t do it all every day, and forgive yourself.

Check out my previous post about How to PROPERLY Complete Your TO-DO List.

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***champagne and confetti***

Jalynn

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Cover Photo by Garrett Jackson on Unsplash

My Granddaddy

My grandfather was a veteran that died on Veteran’s Day in 2019. He was sick for a while. We knew his time was coming. But even when you know the Angel of Death is near, it’s still a shock when he arrives.

There is no amount of mental preparation you can do to anticipate the void you feel after the death of a loved one. Luckily for us, we always say what is on our minds, so I had no feelings of regret or longing for one more visit or one more conversation with him. However, I wish I could talk to him about what is going on in life now AND hear his response.

I wonder what his theories and conspiracies would be about COVID. I wonder what he would say about the home improvements we’ve made on our house. I wonder how he would feel about not being able to go to the buffet for 3 months. I wonder what’s on his mind right now. I wonder, I wonder.

I know he would be so proud of our babies. He would be so proud of us.

I wish I could get more of his annoying texts and phone calls lol. I wish I could see his smile and watch him playing with my daughter. He loved us so much and he loved that baby girl. He came to visit us almost every day until he physically couldn’t anymore. He was always there for us, no matter what, no matter how far he had to drive. He never missed an event for us. He was always ready to reward us or celebrate with us. He always gave us everything he had.  

If my grandfather didn’t like doing anything else, he loved to eat. Eat at the buffet, eat boiled crawfish, eat at a steakhouse, eat boiled crabs, eat BBQ, just eat out in general. Every year for Veteran’s Day, he would go around to all the restaurants that let veterans eat free and get the food (and take some home).

I guess when Veteran’s Day came and he couldn’t do his yearly tradition, he was like, “Man, I guess it’s time for me to head out,” lol.  I know he stayed with us as long as he could. He is the one person that we can say who gave everything he had while he was here.

He was my first best friend and one of my greatest cheerleaders. How do you carry on when someone who has been there for your life for your whole life suddenly isn’t there? How do you just resume life when someone who was such a big part of it is no longer there? How do you experience a big event/big accomplishment without the first person you want to see in the audience or the first person you want to call to tell about it?

I know he is always with me in spirit and I see him in the little things each day. Things like the cardinals (red birds) that fly around my home, in my baby daughter’s snide looks, in my mom’s attitude and actions. It’s crazy how all of his  energy dissipated into the world around us. I’ve come to the realization that I’ll always miss him. And I’ll probably always feel this void. It just makes me sad that my daughter won’t get to share the same memories of him first hand. I will make sure she knows of his spirit and that we are here because of him.

My Grandaddy was a great man. He was the meanest, the loudest, the grumpiest, the happiest, the coolest, the silliest, the most caring, the most loving, the wisest, the most supportive, the most determined, the hardest working, the most selfless, and the strongest man I will ever know. I am so grateful for the life he has given me.

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Happy Birthday, Da! I miss you and I hope you are having a good time watching over us and eating all the crawfish and steaks they have. We’ll keep doing our best and making you proud. We will never forget you! Love, Jalynn and baby JP

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Thanks for reading this special post, everyone.

*champagne and confetti*

Jalynn