Postpartum Workouts, Postpartum Bod.

“The only bad workout is the one that didn’t happen.”

– Unknown

In lieu of the current “Stay at Home” order, I have been working out at home again.

It reminds me of my first few months of workouts at home postpartum… Starting at about 9 or 10 weeks postpartum, I did bodyweight and dumbbell exercises.

Those  workouts were hard. I was out of shape because 8 weeks was the longest I’ve ever gone without touching a weight. I felt soft, weak, yet determined to get the body that I wanted. I hated my body. I hated how weak I was. I woke up every morning at 4AM to do my 30 minute workout before getting ready for work. Something I typically go by is, “Self hate is the greatest form of motivation” – Jalynn Moll.

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My first day back at the gym after a few weeks of at home workouts was very intimidating. Of course I was excited, but I was afraid. I didn’t look like I used to. I didn’t want people to think that I just let myself go.  I wasn’t as toned as I used to be. I was weaker. I felt lost. Is this what people feel like when they go to the gym for the first time ever??

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When I started the workout on that day, I wasn’t as weak as I thought I would be. I took it slow and I did a squat, bench, and deadlift workout. When I was finished, I felt good. I was overall happy, once it was over! I recorded my thoughts on my personal Instagram so I can remember and be proud:

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A post shared by Jalynn (@jalynn_pm)

Today, as I reflect on that time, I can’t help but feel the same way, despite how far I’ve come.

There were times where I’d cry because I felt so discouraged that I will never be the way I was and that I am starting over. What’s the point of even trying to compete again? I hate struggling with weights that used to be easy for me. It makes me want to quit lifting completely.

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I can’t quit because I want my daughter to see her mother as a winner. I want her to see me as a strong woman, both mentally and physically. I want her to see me lifting on that competition platform and be proud of my hard work and dedication. So she can see herself winning.

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Why do we focus so much on what we can’t do and not what we’ve done?

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Now at 10 months postpartum, I’m actually lighter than I was before I was pregnant (by accident, honestly; I just wanted my old weight), I still don’t feel toned enough. The stretch marks, the loose belly skin, the lack of strength that I once had… it’s hard to get pass.

How is that, as women, our bodies do so many great things, yet we only focus on what we can’t do, our size, and our body fat percentage. I just gave birth naturally and all I’m  worried about is looking weak and fat. What’s up with that?

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I’m learning to love myself for where I am now, not where I was before. I’m better now than I ever was and maybe one day I’ll truly believe it.

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**champagne and confetti**

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Jalynn

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P.S.: I’m sorry for slacking on my posts. I will be better.

_{Featured image… Photo by Derick McKinney on Unsplash}